Once Works Well was pure technology. Now it seeks merely to divert.
Pansy subjects - Verse! Opera! Domestic trivia! - are now commonplace.
The 300-word limit for posts is retained. The ego is enlarged

Friday, 18 July 2008

Illness and disease - bad for health

Probability is a very hard branch of maths that exercises actuaries, the people who provide the glib yet unexpected reasons why you won’t get your insurance dosh. Here’s an example of actuarial small print.

I was invited to take out a policy to cover a very mean funeral. A meat-paste-sandwich funeral. But not even meat paste if my earlier-than-expected death were attributable to:

* Illness, disease or naturally occurring condition.
* Suicide, attempted suicide or intentional self-injury.
* Being under the influence of alcohol or of any drug except as prescribed by a registered medical practitioner.
* Being engaged in aviation except as a fare-paying passenger on a recognised airline.
* Being actively engaged in any riot, civil commotion or usurpation of power, or participating in any military, naval or air force action.

The questions rise like flies round a dust-bin. To die of illness? Would clipping my toe-nails constitute intentional self-injury? Am I covered if I dodge my plane fare? And thank goodness my power usurping tendencies are now over.

I’m tempted to go for it and sign up for bungee-jumping.

The front "garden" is even lower maintenance.

5 comments:

Relucent Reader said...

Having served in the RAF, aren't you guaranteed a burial? Even for my brief but hectic service in the army I have a burial plot in a National cemetary, a footstone, and a flag on my box. I opted out as there are none in my home state of Vermont, so I will be planted next to my parents and earlier generations in Cornwall, VT.
I like the "low maintenance" aspect of the front garden. The Missus refuses to take my suggestion of replacing the smallish front lawn with Astroturf.

Barrett Bonden said...

The only genuine benefit the RAF offered me after my two years' national service was release from the RAF. I shudder to imagine a funeral catered by the RAF. Watery scrambled eggs, sprouts cooked to mush, potatoes full of eyes...

Lucy said...

So what are you allowed to die of?

You can be buried in your garden relatively easily in France I believe; we may resort to that, since we shudder at French cemeteries, saying we don't mind dying here but don't want to be buried here.

Barrett Bonden said...

I cheated a little and have now relented. Those exclusions were if you died prematurely - ie, outside the estimates of the dreaded actuaries. I have slightly corrected the original post now

marja-leena said...

Good grief, so if you died of cancer or in a car accident at the age of 40, you can't be buried?!