Once Works Well was pure technology. Now it seeks merely to divert.
Pansy subjects - Verse! Opera! Domestic trivia! - are now commonplace.
The 300-word limit for posts is retained. The ego is enlarged

Sunday, 31 August 2008

What would David Attenborough do?

Diafani is technology-poor; you have to take your own. These are some of the things that will shortly go into the suitcase.

When I chose the flippers, snorkel and mask some years ago, like most men I opted for subfusc colours. But the diving shop man recommended day-glo. Just in case things fell into the sea unattached.

One thing is missing and is problematic: a weapon. My normal swim is about a mile down the coast to a lonely inlet. I am told a monk seal now occupies a cave along the route. There is, my informant says, no record of monk seals attacking humans but I am urged to check with Gorgos, fount of all marine knowledge. Given its name I conclude the animal is at least celibate. I would prefer to go unarmed if possible.

The inflatable ring is from the Chad Valley “Giggle and Grow” system for users aged 2 – 6 years and was reduced to £1 in Woolies. It will be attached to my waist with 12 m of light nylon rope and will remind boat users that their engine propellors are harder than my flesh.

Bonelli eagles operate over Diafani, hence the binocs. The Creative Zen MP3 player carries over a thousand tracks varying in length from “Big Yellow Taxi” to the fourth movement of Bruckner’s Romantic symphony (22 min 54 sec). For re-reading I am taking a novel by a Frenchman famous for his long sentences and whose name I am becoming less and less inclined to flaunt.

3 comments:

Lucy said...

So sorry I missed your birthday! Pardon my ignorance, but where is Diafani?

If monk seals are celibate how do there come to be more monk seals? Perhaps it's a calling.

Have a good trip, and watch out for the undesignated shrimps!

Barrett Bonden said...

Diafani is an almost inacessible village on the island of Karpathos about thirty miles SW of Rhodes (horrible place). Thanks for that cheering thought - a seal that's embraced holy orders is perhaps less likely to attack a human. A celibate seal, on the other hand, might well be irritable.

Sir Hugh said...

I quote from Wikepedia: "The Mediterranean Monk Seals are diurnal and feed on a variety of fish and mollusks, primarily octopus and squid, up to 3kg per day. They are known to forage, mostly, at depths of 150-230 feet".

It looks as though you might be safe unless you intend to don mixed gas deep breathing apparatus and descending to more than 100ft.