Since we were as poor as church mice – er, let’s say freethinking mice – in the seventies we didn’t get a colour telly until 1984. With it came a remote control and a whole new world opened up. Or rather, an old world closed down. For the remote had a mute button.
From that day to this we have seen - but not heard - any TV commercials. I am aware of what Hovis did to Dvorak but we remain happily unaware of the aural evidence. Better than that, we are deaf to the exchanges between young men ogling beer and women in pubs, to the music that accompanies the ludicrous publicity about cars and to the blandishments of the man with false teeth selling sofas.
The mute button has even strayed into the news bulletins and we are no longer cognisant of England soccer fans’ views on Hegel and Leibniz. Not all guests to chez Bonden are comfortable with our censorship. One niece’s hand reached for the remote during what she regarded as the unnatural silence. But I am an unyielding host.
Latterly I have become an equally unyielding prophet for another button on the remote. “Do you realise,” I say unpleasantly to many a neighbour who has invested in a TV screen the size of a french window, “real people do not have flat heads suitable for playing ping pong on and that cars are taller than those flat-headed peoples’ waists. Try the aspect ratio control.”
From that day to this we have seen - but not heard - any TV commercials. I am aware of what Hovis did to Dvorak but we remain happily unaware of the aural evidence. Better than that, we are deaf to the exchanges between young men ogling beer and women in pubs, to the music that accompanies the ludicrous publicity about cars and to the blandishments of the man with false teeth selling sofas.
The mute button has even strayed into the news bulletins and we are no longer cognisant of England soccer fans’ views on Hegel and Leibniz. Not all guests to chez Bonden are comfortable with our censorship. One niece’s hand reached for the remote during what she regarded as the unnatural silence. But I am an unyielding host.
Latterly I have become an equally unyielding prophet for another button on the remote. “Do you realise,” I say unpleasantly to many a neighbour who has invested in a TV screen the size of a french window, “real people do not have flat heads suitable for playing ping pong on and that cars are taller than those flat-headed peoples’ waists. Try the aspect ratio control.”
But I remain a prophet without honour outside my own sitting room and my circle of acquaintances is diminishing.
3 comments:
You'd be welcome here. Small tv, and with a dvr, the commercials are completely zap-able. And we know where the all important OFF button is, and know how to use it.
Very welcome here. Our tolerance of commercials is so low we often wait for the thing to come out on DVD. Hate insidious move of introducing subtitles on some ads. Finally as an aside to Zhoen; when we find the less important On button we often wonder why.
Yes, no we have subtitles for a hard of hearing person, which I've also become accustomed to, escape is harder.
Never mind about your diminishiing acquaintance, there's always us.
The troubel with the aspect control ratio is you get it set up for films but it's often different for telly. And you forget after a while people don't really look like that...
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