Once Works Well was pure technology. Now it seeks merely to divert.
Pansy subjects - Verse! Opera! Domestic trivia! - are now commonplace.
The 300-word limit for posts is retained. The ego is enlarged

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Welcome to my non-blogging world

My wife cooks the meals, I am le plongeur. It isn’t a fair division of labour, I know, and very occasionally I split and clean a leek. Otherwise I bring scientific method and cutting-edge equipment to the kitchen sink.

BRUSH My preferred tool even for plates, but especially after a pasta meal when the fork tines are clogged with parmesan which has undergone molecular change. Such brushes must be regarded as consumables. When the bristles begin to curl – however slightly – replace. In fact if you take washing-up seriously, buy in bulk.

SCRITCHERS Two types: sponge-backed and fake silvery metal. The latter is the more abrasive. Scritchers for me are a last resort. I prefer to soak and brush. NOTE: soaking should never be a ploy to avoid tackling a difficult pan; the plongeur who practices this delaying tactic loses all professional credibility.

RACK Stainless steel. Don’t be tempted by wood, the first step towards catching Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.

DISH-TOWEL Is it damp? Of course it’s damp! Chuck it into the Bosch. Minimum requirement for a household of two: two to three dozen.

WASHING-UP LIQUID Green only.

WATER TEMPERATURE Should be unbearable.

HIGHER TECHNOLOGY? Under the kitchen work-surface sits Monsieur Ariston. He and I have no relationship. My daughter tickles his fancy when she visits.

10 comments:

marja-Leena said...

Hee, I'm going to show this to my husband, who very rarely washes :-) He does empty the dishwasher and the drain tray (rack?).

Sarah said...

Yes what is it about washing-up liquid? Why did it suddenly come out of the closet? And why so violently? And all those pink/purple rainbow ones smell like arse.

herhimnbryn said...

Rubber gloves.

occasional speeder said...

J'adore Monsieur Ariston

Sir Hugh said...

If there is one thing that "works well" for me it's my little dishwasher. It is filled each evening and emptied each morning regardless of how much there is to wash, and one of life's greatest disasters would be to find that I need an item only to find that it is still dirty, lurking in the dishwasher, because I had been too parsimonious to set the machine going on the grounds that it was not full.

occasional speeder said...

Sir Hugh - it was once said "Don't wait until the Dishwasher is full till it goes - this isn't Easyjet." Never a truer word...

Zhoen said...

I get to do both most days, but then I have a dishwasher these days as well.

Prefer a green scritcher and the foam detergent (any color, prefer unscented) for what must be done by hand. Agree on the rack and brush, though. Used to get cellulose sponges in a 40 pack - all pressed down, cheap and biodegradable, toss 'em when they get a bit mucky.

Barrett Bonden said...

A tsunami of opinion. And I forgot to speculate in the original post on whether it's permissible to sing while washing up.

Monsieur Ariston is a reference to our unloved-by-me and unused-by-me dishwasher. I am apparently the exception to the rule that dishwasher ownership leads to dishwasher evangelism. I am not seeking to convert people to manual washing, only to explore its nuances.

HHB: Gloves? Not for fellas.

Sarah: It's because washing-up liquid came out of the closet that I had to nail my colours to the mast. Straight guys go green.

M-L: It's only to be expected from log-rolling, maple syrup supping, plaid-shirt wearing, grizzly-bear-embattled, hockey-crazy Canadian males. But does he cook?

Avus said...

Yup - it's Monsieur Ariston for me too. Actually he has just broken his opening catch which was interesting because he could not be opened, but had to be to reach the catch (Literally "Catch 22").
I managed eventually and collect a new catch tomorrow.

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